Inspired 5 ~ Blue

What does BLUE look like, feel like, taste like, sound like, smell like?

For me, blue has always represented infinity.

Vast cerulean skies with billowing white clouds over wide open spaces, deep indigo waves rolling in from the ocean that stretches into the horizon where it dances with the sky above. If I dive beneath the surface to be the mermaid in my heart, if I take flight into the air like the caged bird within longs to...would I be forever lost to the world of blue I discover?

Blue has always been a source of peace for me. All my spirit needs is to answer the siren call and head to the beach, where blue settles over my soul and heals all the broken pieces, one vibrant shade at a time.

Blue feels like summer. It feels like icy waves crashing against sunkissed skin, it feels like bliss as you dive into the liquid quiet.

It feels like freedom...the tern divebombing, the eagle soaring his majestic wings, the starlings taking flight...it feels like escape.

Blue tastes like blue freezies. Mmmm deliciousness.

Blue looks like the whirring of a bird's ruffled feathers as it soars through azure skies

It looks like the precious pieces of sea glass collected from the beaches I love, now residing in my home

It looks like a glorious, sundrenched day at Hubbards Beach when Leanne wed TJ in the most magical ceremony I have ever witnessed through my lens. It looks like true love.

Blue smells like briny air. It smells like salt water. It smells like home. Can't you see that I belong there?

Blue sounds like the melodic Joni Mitchell ...

What does blue mean to you?

Thaw

So this is what I woke up to this morning...

Yeah. Frost. Oh sure, it's sparkly and beautiful but dude, frost means only one thing.

It's -30 with the windchill.

Seriously?

I hate winter with the fire of a thousand suns. *whines*

But as I balanced myself on the couch to capture the intricate beauty on my window I was struck by a realization. The frost is a lot like how I feel inside. I have always said I'm a stormcloud that leaves a trail of silver lining and glitter in my wake. My grief has turned my insides to ice, a select few are privy to the warmth that radiates deep within. I have so little to give. I am filled with an ache that never leaves no matter how many months pass without him.

The girl with golden eyes has stolen him away. That's something no amount of love and light can compete with.

I feel the ice melting. My heart splinters and light spills through the cracks. Forgiveness creeps in.
Acceptance of the unknown settles over me. My days spent curled up under the covers with Numb are numbered.

Feeling everything is scary. It means I have to make peace with no closure. With not knowing where you are, if you're safe, or if you are completely strung out all by yourself. It's almost impossible to be okay with not knowing any of these things. But you have given me no choice.

I try to block you out. I try to keep myself so busy that I have no time. But you're always there. And that is something else I am learning to accept.

I should hate what you've done. But I don't. I love you with everything in me. You have owned my heart since I was 12. Always have, always will.

So I fill my days with my son, work and my camera. Seeing the world through the lens has been healing for me. It allows me to commune with nature, with my true self, with the darkness that lingers inside me. Yesterday I bundled up and wandered up into the graveyard at the end of my street.

The snow was falling softly, adorning everything in white. Walking along the cliff, I listened to the water raging in the brook below. Trudging up the hillside through the crunchy ice and snow I was ecstatic to find beauty around every corner.

It was cold and I was shivering but the frosted corners of my heart were melting a little more each time I found inspiration in the snow laden flowers and berries.

Even winter, as it turns out, warms me.

Winter Marches On..

Winter can suck it.

 It's a time of darkness for me.

The skies are heavy with foreboding clouds, and when the sun shines it's always accompanied by bitterly cold wind. While staring out at the bleak surroundings, I often wonder why winter is the longest season. Why can't summer stretch out for 6 glorious months? Why can't we have endless months of sun kissed skin, salt water tangling our hair, and delicious heat? Instead we get cold, bare trees, a world stripped of color and life.

What is it's purpose? Seriously. Ugh.

So I have to wrap myself up and go out in search of beauty. You know, to make sure my SAD doesn't get the better of me. I fight back extra hard this year. Me and my camera struggling to make it through the lingering heartbreak during the hardest time of the year for me.

This week, Tammy from  http://www.blissandfolly.com/ has started a little something called the Inspired 5. This week's prompt is WINTER...what does it look like, feel like, taste like, sound like, smell like? To kickstart my blog again, I decided to take part.

What does winter look like? Well, here in Cape Breton, winters are usually fairly typical. Snowy and cold. When I was a little girl, we used to get so much snow we could walk straight up the drift and onto the barn in my grandparent's back yard. We had a skating rink in the back yard, where my grandfather taught me to skate. Now, it looks nothing like that. We have snow which is immediately followed by rain. It's weird. I just wish Mother Nature would be decisive. Choose one and stick with it.

Winter usually feels bonechilling. I always resent having to be in layers, especially boots. This year, it's been warmer. The icy, wintry days are few and far between. I have been able to walk the beach in sneakers and a hoodie. No gloves either. I am grateful for less bitter cold, but it makes it seem that much more bleak.

For me, winter will always taste like hot chocolate. When we were kids, we would go to Layton's hill, just a kind neighbour with rolling hills in their backyard, where we would toboggan for hours on end. We would come home with ice stuck to our hats and mittens, rosy cheeked and shivering. Mom would have big steaming mugs of delicious hot chocolate waiting for us while we curled up in front of Carol Burnett or Archie Bunker for the night.

Does winter have a sound? For me it's the sound of icicles dripping, cracking and falling to their untimely death. Or the grackles and starlings alight in the trees each morning, their winter trills ringing out in the chilled air. And also the sound of children whooping with joy as they sled down the big hill in the graveyard at the end of my street.

So many memories are triggered by the senses, so what does winter smell like for me? The smell of wood stoves burning, that crisp coldness that permeates the air, the spicy tart candles that glow in my house on cold winter nights and salt water. No matter how freezing it may be, the siren song calls me home to the beach. Inhaling the rich, briny air makes me feel alive when my spirit is hibernating deep within.

As long as I have the ocean, I can survive the darkest time of the year. It is all that gets me through. The beach heals my broken heart and mends the pieces of me that are scattered. Winter can't take that away from me.

I am so looking forward to next week's prompt...BLUE. Thank you, Tammy...for igniting enough inspiration within me to make me want to blog again.